Dreams filled with lazing on the beach in a bikini with the warm sun on my skin and a fresh coconut have been filling my days for the last few weeks. But deep down there is something a little upsetting for me personaly in these dreams…
When I was about 12 I got my first bikini. I remember being at the school pool trip and being terrified to take off my shirt and reveal my bikini body to my classmates. It was embarrassing. I had the smallest chest of all the year 7 girls. (year 7! I know, it was a huge deal at the time).
I felt so incredibly disproportioned. I had a super flat chest and chubby thighs. I was ashamed of the stretch marks down inside of my legs and the cellulite I already sported on my thighs and bum. So I was thrilled that board shorts were on trend to cover myself as much as I could get away with.
Writing this makes me feel a little sad to think of all the years I have spent hating my body. But the saddest part is that it’s a battle I continue to struggle with today.
I’m a skinny person. I have never been overweight and have always been relatively comfortable in my clothes. But only in my clothes. I have never, ever worn a bikini in public. 14 years later I still wear board shorts to the beach or pool. I was devastated when those really long shorts went out of fashion because I might have to expose my legs to the world and when I went on my honeymoon to Thailand I was literally the only person I saw wearing shorts over my swimmers.
As I grew up I pushed my limits and am now ok (just ok, never confident) with wearing a bikini top, but the bottom half has always been covered. So, I decided that my holiday to Hawaii would be my first time at letting go. Im taking the plunge and taking off my clothes.
The first step – buy a new bikini
I went into this pretty confident, I had looked online and had a fair idea of what style I would like to get. I tried on a couple in the first store, and while the patterns were super cute, I did not feel super cute wearing them. My butt cheecks had barely seen the light of day before – there was no way I was going to squish them into something called the “brazillian skimpy cut” that pretty much only covered my crack.
I left the store feeling pretty pov and decided that this was not good enough. This was not a great start to my bikini shopping. So how could I turn this around?
I stopped at Thrive for some lunch and sat at the bench by myself while I ate. I looked up from my food and saw my reflection staring back at me and realized two things – 1- You should not ever go bikini shopping if you are hungry. Because everyone knows if you are hungry then you are likely to be moody and sensitive. 2 -I am friggin awesome and my worth is so much greater than how I look in a bikini.
I sat in the mirror and looked into my own eyes and repeated to myself (in my head because there were people around and I didn’t want to look like a crazy person) “I love and accept myself”
By the time I had finished my green smoothie I was ready for some more bikini trying on!
So off I went with a content tummy and my affirmation repeating over and over in my head. I tried on about 6 different bikinis in various shapes and sizes and when I found the right one I did a little happy dance in the change room, struck a pose and felt fantastic!
So, my tips on how to shop for a new bikini like a goddess
- Eat before you shop. As mentioned above, you don’t want to be a sensitive hungry cry baby when all your bits are exposed.
- Repeat after me “I love and accept myself” as soon as you hear any hint of that icky voice in your mind that tells you that you aren’t perfect then give it a good smack down with a nice firm “I love and accept myself”
- Strike a pose. You are the only one in the change room so it doesn’t matter how silly you look or feel. Strike a pose, stick your butt out, drop your hip, do a twirl, find your best angle, HAVE SOME FUN!
My next challenge was strutting around in my bikini. You can bet that some affirmations and visualization were a huge part in this for me, and will continue to be, not just for Hawaii but for every other day where I have been scared to work it… Ill keep you posted with an update on this one shortly…
Do you have any tips for shopping for a new bikini and owning your bikini bod?